This is how I feel....

Buket, you know her as Bouqué, sent me a sms in the middle of the night of the breaking news. I couldn't believe it and thought it was a bad joke because his tour was about to start and my first concert would be in less than 4 weeks. It was something which was impossible...

I grew up with him/ with his music. I first heard in the end of the 80's. I loved him. I tried to sing his songs. Everything I ever saw on TV just stuck in my mind, I never forgot all the scenes and the excitement, the magic e.g. the dangerous era. Meanwhile I had my little boygroup time, but Michael came back to me. In 1997 I started to collect things like crazy. To that time and years later I watched his dances, tried to teach them myself. It was different, it was innovativ, it was the BEST I've ever seen! The power, the energy, the magic - it couldn't be compared to someone else. I always tried to make plans to see him since the early 2000, but I was mostly too shy and scared to travel alone - but it was ALWAYS my biggest dream to meet him or see him live on stage... or just a second on some publice place - I didn't care, I just wanted to see him! Even the difficult time in 2004/05 didnt end my love to him because I always knew he was innocent.
After that it was really quiet but the announcement of the concerts made so happy like I haven't been before. I was lucky enough to get 4 tickets in the pre sale with VERY good view. I was happy, excited - finally my dream would be reality. I told my mom "After I've seen Michael, I can die - there won't be anything I need to see" with a big smile on my face.

My heart is broken. A part of my life has gone with him and I don't find the motivation to make new videos currently. It was my dream to be so good, to improve a lot, to become the best - so I can maybe work with him someday. I'm deeply sad. I'm crying ever since. Some people don't understand, but we fans do. And sorry to say that - if you think it's childish - please unfollow me, unsubscribe me - I don't need you.
It's very painful too because on his last pics he looks happy - he was ready for it. He wasn't ill as the press state. He was healthy. He looked healthy. But mostly - he was happy at the time - happy to start the tour and be with us again to share his talent on stage.

Michael, you will be deeply missed - every single day!
I'll keep you in my heart forever.
And even if I don't like to write this sentence because I don't want it to be true...
... Rest in heavenly Peace, Michael! See you on the other side!
I love you... more, Michael!

Thanks for reading!


Jennifer (FunkeyGurl)